Finding Closure

What is closure?

I think some would say that closure is the moment you're allowed to finally feed the deepest thoughts of regret, anger and hatred to that which has done you wrong.

Some, those who have meditated on the situation and found a simpler meaning in life would give you a simpler answer and that is to just, "let it go".

Both, however are answers that are far too easily defined, and  are too quickly an anecdote to jump to when trying to reconcile your life, your spirit and your heart from a detrimental downfall and an abhorred event in your life.

It is in these moments we find that we test ourselves and our ability to cope with our own strength.

How long are we willing to hold on?

For me, I found not long, and once I found myself at the depths of despair on a moving staircase of cowardice thoughts and numb emotion.

 I found myself like a hamster turning on a running wheel. Just going in a circle that I thought would never end.

Today, I have made the choice to finally step off the hamster wheel. I have no idea why I stayed on so long. A part of me probably wanted to wait, in hopes that eventually my wheel would pop off it's hinges and create it's own path in my life, but then again, part of me probably liked the security of not having to try to venture in a world of hurt and sadness.

I truly believed that. That this world could only hold hurt and sadness, and it wasn't worth venturing into. I was a fool.

I can only sit here and write this endless plea of confusion, because of individuals who came to my beckon when I didn't know I had called for them. Who saw a poor-soul in need of resuscitation and breathed air back into his lungs. To those people: I am eternally grateful. I know by every fiber of my being I would not be here today were it not for you. I love you and I thank you.

Now that I'm breathing again. I take another step in a brighter direction. A direction into a world full of hurt and sadness and happiness and love.

I don't know whether I'll find closure or not, but I don't think I really need that. That missing part of my heart, where closure fits will always be a gentle reminder of where I've been, and to always keep going.