Become Better...

It's interesting the way things come into our lives RIGHT when we need them...

I was watching Oprah the other day...I adore Oprah.

It was her Life Class.

She was talking about Anger. 


Coincidentally I had been dealing with anger at this time.

I always thought Anger (Grrr) was just an emotion everyone had to deal with. Including me, and I had been angry before, and I dealt with it.

This time though. I was furious. FUMING. I was so angry, and I saw that this angry only fueled other "Anger's" in my life, even more.

I'm not really an angry person.

This day... I was.

So, I sat down watched Oprah, and this it what she said to me:




:) I love that..."Not only was she laughing, but she's shopping at Tiffany's"

This has become one of the greatest lessons I think I'll ever learn, and has become one of my daily Mantra's...

Don't become bitter; become better.



So, we must all feel anger. We are human, but we must also allow anger to pass over us like the onyx night sky, and search for the sunlight that peaks over the six o' clock hills. Anger is normal. It is when we allow anger to settle within us it develops into bitterness and resentment, and that is where sadness lives.

This Time

I guess life is suppose to be complicated sometimes.

At least. It should be. If it isn't, why are we here?

I was on Facebook. When a friend posed this question...

What are emotions? 


My Response?

...

That's where I feel something. Then you feel something. Then we feel something together. "Your 


Perfect. Your perfect. So, we're perfect together." Sort of thing. Synergy. Etc.


Yeah. That's a reference to Wicked: The Musical. 


Anyways the point?


Emotions...at least to a point are within us, not to understand and not to complicate, but they are there to connect us. With emotions we relate to one another. It is why we have one another. To love. To hate. To envy. To enjoy. Emotions create synergy. 


I love that. 


S Y N E R G Y. What a beautiful concept. The idea that the whole  is greater than the sum of it's parts. 


Just  an idea. :) 

Facebook Fast

It seems strange. I mean, a "Facebook Fast"--it's almost laughable. Wait, who am I kidding? It's completely laughable. I guess you could say I've finally woken-up to the fact that Facebook controls my life.

I have a lot to discover. I keep thinking that today I want to be 35, and I have to look at myself in the mirror and give a friendly reminder: "YO stupidhead you're ONLY TWENTY!" So, I keep thinking about if I'm only twenty; what am I suppose to have done? What am I supposed to have accomplished in two decades of my life, because I feel I've done nothing, and I feel as if I'm in this black hole of just: questions.

Questions that are everywhere. I wouldn't say I'm lost, but I'm definitely not found. I have learned so much, but I feel there is so much learning that needs to go on.

The way I describe it to people is "When I'm 80 years old and sitting on my porch. I don't want to be the Grandpa that reflects on his life and thinks--wow I didn't do anything worth while when I was twenty."

I definitely expect regrets. I definitely expect failures, and that's okay. I'm already waiting for the complications, and that excites me the most. I feel like if it's not complicated, there's nothing to learn from it.

Anyways, beyond the Facebook fast comes a lot of baggage. Baggage I'm not sure I'm ready to reveal on a public domain--just yet, but in time--once I've even learned what it means...everyone else will know too.

For now I'm taking two weeks to do things I've never done before. I'm taking two weeks to learn more about what I can accomplish, when I'm not trapped behind the computer. I'm going to redecorate my room, finish my mid-term papers, party it up, text, watch television and movies (maybe even some Lifetime, you know, for a good 'ugly cry'), and after two weeks we'll see what happens. I have no expectations for this. I just need to revamp, that's all.

Just Needed A Reminder

I think I forgot why I started this blog, and need a little kick in order to remember. I think I may publish more now that I've revisited that era of my life. Who knows? 


Where do I start? I guess that's a question everybody starts out with. How bout a story? All right...Once Upon A Time in a far away land there lived a lovely family, in Farmington. They were the kindest, sweetest, most sentimental family to ever walk the face of the planet. There was a mother and wife; Betty Lou. There was the father and husbad; Billy Bob. A grandmother; Margarette. Lastly there was a handicapped daughter diagnosed with severe cancer named Faith. This story is not like any other fairy tale, because in this story we don't end with "happily ever after." You see, Faith, was over come by her cancer at the age of 39. She had lived to see a prosperous life, she had acheived what others didn't believe she could acheive, she had a heart of gold, a heart of warmth, and the courage of god by her througout her entire life. This story doesn't end happily because Faith has gone home now, to fly, fly away into the world of pearly gates, white clouds, and to meet the almighty creator himself. Faith, and her story is a true story.


I decided to create a blog to let everyone know exactly what I'm thinking, a place to vent, a place to cry, a place to laugh, and just a place to write. I'm here in honor of "Faith." I'm here to tell her story and my story. I decided in this first blog what "Don't Ride," means. It goes along with the quote "just ride that roller coaster of life." Well my feelings are Don't Ride. If we sit on this ride of life all we end up doing is letting ourselves watch the world pass by only to back to the beginning. I say "Don't Ride," live, learn about this rollar coaster you're on, let your inspiration and intuition get the best of you! Life is a one time thing. I learned from faith that all though she was handicapped nothing was going to get in her way of climbing that mountain. But what impresses me the most is she, in an essence, climbed that mountain for herself. She didn't climb it to please those non-believers she climbed it to live her own life. She climbed it to show herself "if i can do this I can do anything." Faith will be missed on this Thanksgiving day, she will be the inspiration that guides me to the top of the mountain, she will be the wind beneath my wings, and she will be the reason I don't sit and ride I will live and let live.

Why ask?

I was watching the most revolutionary show the other day...Desperate Housewives. Bah! Okay, maybe not the MOST revolutionary, or even the most moral, but still a very good show (when it comes to VERY fictional television), anyways, but I did have an epiphany during Sundays episode. Susan Delfino had been struck down tragically during a protest in her neighborhood rupturing her one and only good kidney. So, she was in desperate need of a kidney.

So...fast forward a whole junk of drama happens and she gets a kidney from the ex-wife of her mortal enemy, but that's not important. In the hospital, while waiting for her kidney she meets fellow kidney transplant man, and befriends him...he dies. In this sudden death of her friend she wonders how she could receive a kidney? Why was she the one to live? What was she to do with her life because she had been given a gift?

Well...this is taking too long, but finally she asks her wise, elderly neighbor who tells her, "why ask?" And that is my point. I have been feeling the same way as Susan. I have been so blessed with an opportunity to study abroad, and to live in a good home, to have good and nice things in my life, but I ask "Why me?" Why do I get to be the one that is blessed with all these things? How am I special? I have met better candidates along my road in life, much wiser, much kinder, much gentler souls than mine, but yet I have been endowed with such a priviledge.

It's difficult for me to understand, but then again "why ask?" I have come to realize that my acceptance of the situation I'm in, regardless of whether it be good or bad. I have been blessed. It is my responsibility to react. If something goes wrong or right it is by mine own aura, mine own being, and that divine nature that brings me to understand what fate truly is.

That is life.

I'm going to England.
I am so blessed, and in that blessing I only hope I can return it to the universe, plus some.
That is my mission.

Yet, it's much more complicated to do, rather than to be done.
Right.
Ciao.

Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9CsW7TRxr0

Hungry.

What does it mean to be hungry? Does it mean we long for food, something sustantial to get us along, and through our day? Is it something that guides us, and makes who we are? What is a hunger for life? You may find it hilarious, and maybe a little amusing: but I have no idea. I don't know any of the answers to these questions. It's probably disheartening, isn't it?

I guess, all I can tell you is that hunger is something much more than food (although food is a very good addition to that list), hunger comes from a spark in life. A spark of creation, if you will, it allows us to live in a way that is more prosperous, more rewarding, fulfililng, and loving. Having hunger is what gives us drive to wake up each day, with a tingle of 'want' to get us through.

Where we begin and where we end, ultimately relies on hunger to take us "over the hills and through the woods," hunger is strength.

Hold strong to your hunger, for some days it may fade, but resides lonely within thee. Let it fly.

I've Decided

We live in world where we're a little selfish, yet we're all so selfless. Where the most obvious things are the most complicated, yet the the subtle things in life are easy to get. I don't know. Sometimes I forget that I'm only nineteen. It's really hard to remember. I just want to be fifty already! Retired, own a yacht, and live on the beach until I croak. Oh, the agony. How I wish I was there, but then again, I really don't. I like being ninteen. No matter how confusing, frustrating, and absolutely horrid it may be a times. I like it. You're not tied down to anything (except for school work), but even then you're not obligated.

Being Nineteen allows you to smoke (ew!), and  you're legally an adult. I think more than anything though. The spiritual journey you begin when you're nineteen is something that I never thought would happen. It's absolutely cleansing. It's as if my eyes have finally opened, and I am much wiser now. I have met God, and Oprah, and Celine, and everyone I could ever imagine myself meeting (in my head obviously), I have yet to rise up and meet myself.

It will come though. That day will come, whether it be sooner or later--I don't know--and if you asked me a year ago I would have "freaked out" and maybe even cried, but today. I don't care. When it comes, it comes, but for today I'm just going to..well...live.

:)


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