Learning to Love where I'm at

So...I was reading O Magazine. This week actually.

One of the main articles was about writing a Six Word Autobiography about yourself.

It's meant to be revealing, and completely captivating all in just six words!

I was working on this over and over again in my head, and came to standstill every time.

I just couldn't come up with six little words (it's much harder than it sounds).

I finally, while getting my hair cut at my local salon came to find MY six word Auto-biography:

Learning to Love where I'm at.


I was a little wary as to what it might co notate, perhaps ideas that I am forcing myself to love where I'm at, or what I'm doing, but I came to accept the idea that I was not forcing myself to love where I'm at, but rather, to learn to create a life I can love where I'm at.

It's hard living life, I think we're all aware of that. There are romances that become heart breaks, lives that become death, people who come and go, jobs which are lost, and every day mercies that just don't seem fair, and it's hard to see the silver-lining sometimes.

But I've found that with the good must come the bad. With the happy must come the sad, and I am so grateful for those oppositions. When I think of them, I know that what is happening is meant to happen. It's beautiful how life works in those mysterious ways.

A friend of  mine, his sister, just shared a beautiful story about a very important gentleman who has left her life. Her strength amongst trial is truly admirable, and is my inspiration for this post. But whether it be the loss of someone dear to us, or whether it be a lonely-heart break, by a man--neither is minuscule, both impact our lives in ways that change them, and help us to realize life...life is meant to lived and learned. Life is meant to hurt, only to reap the goodness.

May we move forward every day learning to be better than yesterday.

"To God be the Glory."
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-Cast-of-The-Color-Purple-Sings-the-Title-Song-Video

I'm 18 going on 20

It's amazing how two years can change your entire life. I am constantly amazed at the persona I WAS when I was eighteen. Now, being twenty (although still completely naive) I have learned so much about myself, about life, about school, about men, about dating, and about so many other aspects of life that have influenced me to become better.

It makes me smile the growth I have been able to accomplish in just a mere two years. I am so lucky. I am so happy. It has taken a lot of hard work, a whole bunch of luck, and even more love that has influenced me now.

I can't even imagine what life is going to bring me in the next ten years with as much as life has brought me in the last two.

It's rad.
It's wonderful.

It's on.

I'm coming...out

It's interesting seeing people in this world. The media, the crazies, the cool kids, T.V., radio, etc. They all tell us to be "who we are" and just live the way we were "born."

The "Born This Way" antics never seem far-fetched, yet why it is it I still see people in the world living, afraid of who they truly are. I found as I pondered this idea, that I, I who have dedicated a chunk of my life to equality and understanding, am part of this problem. Not only in my own life but in the lives of many others.

I have a voice. We all do, but I find that for me, personally, I don't use it as often as perhaps I should.

I found that when I "came-out", my life didn't change. It's easily described as shock. I was in shock. Now, that I had declared my liberation for a jail sentence that seemed indefinite. I was free, but I didn't feel free. It wasn't at all as I expected. I don't think it ever is.

The burden that was lifted from my shoulders was certainly a relief, but within me still lived something that was missing. I came to find that my life was not something that could change rapidly. It is a process. A process, not I, nor anyone else can progress in a quick manner (although I wish it was) it's not. It is in the process we find that our lives change, for the better, brighter, and more authentic versions of our "born this way" selves.

I believe this process happens for everyone. Gay, straight, bi, transgender (life). No matter who you are; at some point you must wake up and (as I say) become conscious of your life. For it is once you reach that state of consciousness that your "process" begins. Sometimes it comes sooner in life, and sometimes it comes later. Whenever you're ready. It will come, but until then, we should all dedicate ourselves to being okay, with people being who they are.

Allow them to experience their own process. Live and let [others] live.

It's time to finally be...whoever we choose to be.

Bestest Friends

Today is my besties birthday.

She's pretty much the best.

This year (and every year) wouldn't have been the same without her.

I adore her.

I really do.

I hope she knows that.

BFFL!

Number Seven

People.

I just love people..

Well maybe Love is too strong a word.

I adore?

No.

I...I...

Love will have to work. I really do love meeting new people. There's nothing more fascinating to me, than a person telling their life story. I'm not sure what it is, but I love it.

I have met so many wonderful people this year. I've made new friends. I've made some really great acquaintances, and I've had a really good time hearing their stories.

One of the most brilliant relationships I got this year. Was from this guy...

Boyd. I'm not really for sure how it all happened at this point, and I don't really care. Meeting him has changed my life in ways that were/are good and bad.

He has such a great heart, and such an annoying taste for V-neck, anything. But still he has been one of a kind.

Really great.

Wow.

P.S. We even went on a date to conference. Oh, you don't believe me?

Proof:

Yup.

Number Eight

A year ago...I wrote this:

As I walk to the edge

I release--the grasp

of my hands.

Bleeding.

Again on the past in

a memory.

Which lives between here

and there.

Have a faltered?

Have I died?

I paint the canvas--

Red--to cover the sin.

I cry--

Tears: a cascade that mars

my face,

and now, I drown.

It's over now, yet

I can't smile a grin--so

I lift my head--up--

towards the

moon, and still

it burns.

Then I find myself again.

--

As I walk to the edge.

Everyone thought it was referring to suicide, which I honestly hadn't realized until someone mentioned it to me.


It was just suppose to be about life and taking chances. Also, I think there was something personal that sparked the idea, but I can't remember what it is now. Humph.


I had forgotten that I had written this, until I decided to ruffle through some paperwork. I stumbled across this and a comment from my Writing 2010 teacher in my "blue book," she wrote (and I quote), "Good work, Nathan you have a really engaging voice and a flair for language. I hope you keep writing."

This year I think more than ever, I realized how much I really do love writing, but I found that the work I produced this year; wasn't as compelling as I think it could have been. 

I'm definitely working on that this next year. 

I can't wait!

Number Nine

I got my Wisdom Teeth pulled...finally.

It was really quite exciting, and honestly, I am so happy they are gone.

They were such a bother.

I've always wondered why are we born with things that later in life, we'll need to have removed; wisdom teeth, gall bladder, appendix...etc.

What's the point?

I'm not really sure either.

I feel so grown up now that my Wisdom teeth are gone. I feel mature. I feel crazy. I feel...

alive.

Cheesy much? I know. YAY!